From Here to There

Because Half-Assed Only Works For So Long


My Aunt Loves Penguins, I Love My Aunt

Today was a driving day, out seeing customers and while I dropped in on one unexpectedly he was loading a Christmas Tree in a ladies truck for her. Once he finished, I mentioned that with two cats and two dogs, no way was my tree going up this early. He was agreed with me, so I mentioned that one of the two dogs was my son’s one year old German Shepherd. His response was “so you’ve got one that hasn’t found his brain yet”. In other words, I’m living with the canine equivalent of a teenaged boy. I might be opposed to male bashing, but after raising two boys it’s a damn accurate assessment of the situation.

Penguin Christmas OrnamentWhile I was visiting with this customer I saw this cute little guy and two kittens. I left the kittens behind but this guy is going to my favorite Aunt, because I know I’m her favorite niece and my cousins can all just suck it.

And yes we really do squabble over who is her favorite – she is that awesome. Which is why I really cannot understand why her son’s wife treats her like she’s the worst evil mother in law on earth. My aunt watches their dogs – two hooligans if ever there were such a thing – happily whenever they come down to see her son’s wife’s family. She prepares meals for them and sends them home. She happily spends money on them, their home and their dogs.

My Aunt loves babies. She loves Children. She loved all of us when we were little and she loves us as adults. She loves my boys – her great nephews. And we argue over who is her favorite.

Thirty years ago, my Aunt was having miscarriages. She had a tubal pregnancy. She was taking fertility drugs. She went through hell to have the one thing she wanted most – a child of her own. And when he finally arrived she would get up at midnight and trim his toenails for him – even if she did draw the line at pushing his cuticles back. She cherished every moment of motherhood. She squired him to all of his hockey games and baseball games. She built snowmen in the yard with him. Every toy was carefully evaluated and he had just what he needed  – never an excess.  And her and my uncle footed the bill for that child to go through medical school.

Now, my Aunt’s son’s wife is pregnant – after suffering a miscarriage of her own. Did she draw closer to the mother-in-law who would have understood her pain over that loss? Nope. Instead, when my Uncle commented that she was lucky after having lost the last one to get pregnant again so quickly she chose to take offense.

So after telling another cousin’s wife to-be “if you want to keep your mother in law out of your hair, I’ve got all kinds of advice” this little cunt is refusing to have anything to do with my Aunt and Uncle – the ones all of us cousins fight over – until my Uncle apologizes. As if my Aunt didn’t already know she would be kept away from that baby no matter what. As if my Aunt wasn’t already dreading this possibility. Because my Aunt loves babies. And my Aunt is a wonderful person who already suffers from severe depression. Depression so severe she has gone through electroshock therapy trying to if not beat it, at least make it more tolerable.

I wonder if that means she won’t accept the checks my Aunt and Uncle send while my Aunt’s son is finishing Med School?

In the meantime, I’ll give my Aunt a ceramic penguin because I know she’ll love it, and I love her.


From Ranting To Ridiculous

A1 is officially moved in. He brought his TV and X-Box home tonight. He also brought the pet I forgot about.

A1's SnakeI am truly relieved and happy that he’s moved back – honest I am. But that doesn’t mean I’m not feeling out of sorts and a bit edgy now. In other words, I’ve been a bear all weekend. Short-tempered and impatient, I’ve yelled at the dogs all day to go lay down. There is nothing I hate worse than being in one of these moods. Every noise, no matter how small is like fingernails on a chalkboard, so of course two x 4 sets of toenails clicky clacking across the floors are not small potatoes at the moment.

I’ve ranted about the stupid leaves that are the size of dinner plates – so frigging big my leaf blower can’t blow them – and let me tell you that leaf blower can send dog turds three yards over. I’ve ranted about the long gone neighbor who wouldn’t trim the suckers that came up from a tree stump and years later are now the tree with the dinner plate leaves. Honestly when it comes time to do leaves I wish I could take a chain saw to every tree in the neighborhood – starting with the eight or so growing through chain link fencing in back of my house. The ones I wanted my ex to cut down – but like the long gone neighbors – he couldn’t bear to cut down a living tree. Never mind they were only as big around as twigs then.

But ranting about the long gone neighbors reminded me of how damn ridiculous they were. They used to call each other “lover”, he always wore bicycle shorts, which should never be worn by a fifty year old man who doesn’t ride a bike. I never knew where to look when I was talking to him there was just so much awful to see. She was a lot younger than him, and I swear she took every word that dropped from his lips as gospel. He had her out in the yard for an entire week working on the brakes of their car. All the wheels were off and it was held up off the ground by a miscellaneous assortment of lumber. It’s a wonder the car never fell on her.

They had a patio door across the front of the house with a wide open view of the lake. Since everyone likes a view when they exercise, that was where she located her ski-machine. All of the kids at the bus stop one morning got a view too – because she liked to exercise naked. Then they got a dog, and positioned the chain so it ended at least three feet from the step. My ex spent a lot of time in his car while it warmed up in the morning that winter, since it was right around the time she would bring the dog out, tie him up and come back out for him ten minutes later – buck naked the entire time.

I never worried much about it – she didn’t believe in shaving her legs or armpits so I’m pretty sure the bush was epic.


TToT – I Can Do This!

I’ve never linked up with Ten Things of Thankful before, but I think this week I can actually count ten so I can finally do this!

A1 is officially moving back home. While it means giving up my office, it also means I get my living room back. The guy goes to bed before 10 every night and having to tip-toe through the house hasn’t been cool. He didn’t get the family night-owl tendencies that’s for sure.

corner of my office

A1 is okay with sleeping in a lavender bedroom. He says with the light off it looks grey and “isn’t lavender supposed to be restful?”, which means I don’t have to paint this weekend.

A3 - AKA Jackson

A3 – AKA my sons dog – has settled down nicely this week. While stuffies are still being disemboweled on a regular basis, at least he understands I’m not here to play with him all day. I haven’t yet come up with a solution to the river of toilet water. If I put a water dish down, he’ll try to swim in it. I wonder if they sell giant hamster water bottles? You know the ones with the spout and the metal ball that the animal licks for water?

Shaved Eyebrows

I’m thankful that eyebrows do grow back since A2 decided to shave his off this week. He’s been comically inventive with the Sharpie markers, but the Charlie brown effect is wearing thin.

I’m thankful I have such an awesome leaf blower and that the leaves are finally all down. I have a feeling this will probably be the last weekend to take care of them or risk having them covered over by snow.

I’m thankful the OPP is finally following up on my stolen purse. Nearly a month after the fact they asked if I could find out the time and location for when the thief tried to draw money off my credit card.

Empty herb pot

I’m thankful I wasn’t really attached to the idea of growing indoor herbs. The oregano, thyme and catnip have been overgrazed by A3. I would have liked to have kept the bay – but these things happen. Better luck next year.

I’m super thankful I finally know enough about this blogging thing to really personalize a blog, because I decided to start a second one this week. I am really happy with how it looks – now I just need more content. Did I mention how much I appreciate working a job with normal hours again?

I’m thankful I finally work a job that has real weekends again. With leaves to deal with, two blogs to run, and a home office to move there’s no way to get it all done on Sunday. This way I still have time for laundry and grocery shopping and family.

Lastly, I’m thankful that all weekend is cheap hydro. I need it with all the extra laundry that comes with A1. Have I mentioned before how many showers that boy takes? Time of use billing can bite me.

I think that’s ten. I hope it’s ten, because I’m all out now.



Ten Things of Thankful